” . . . because of this double nature, or double-tasking, the great work before us is to learn to understand what around us, and what about us must live, and what must die.” – Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves 

It has been a month! Who am I kidding, it has been a crazy couple of years . . . from changing jobs at the onset of COVID and relocating to a part of the province I had never even been in; to coming back from a accident that could have seen me permanently disabled; to buying a hunting lodge and selling my condo; to finding love . . . and losing love . . .

I recognize that my world would be pretty bleak if I just focused on what I have lost so here are some of the things that I have found recently . . . I may have lost a man but I have found some very special friends as a result. I may have lost some mobility (due to the accident) but I have gained a better understanding of my personal strength. I may have lost my condo (more like given it up to move, and then, subsequently sold it) but I found a piece of land (and a lifestyle) that allows me to be connected to nature in ways that I have never been able to before. I may have lost a family (the man’s) but I found an opportunity to fill the beds of this lodge with paying guests (duck hunters). I may have lost some hunting related decor but I found my creativity and have created a funky, unique vibe that I think is just the right balance of yin and yang. I may have lost someone to share time with but I found activities that I wouldn’t have considered before, like signing up for a book study of Women Who Run With the Wolves and a workshop on ancient healing practices (Ayurveda).

What parts of me must die for me to live my best life? Fear . . . my fear that I can’t do life on my own, that I am not strong enough, good enough, physically and mentally ready to face a future alone. And ego, that part of me that tries to “direct” the aspects of me, and those around me, as if my life is being played out on a stage. Ego plays out as perfectionist tendencies and control, and those two characteristics no longer serve me.

What parts of me must live? My generally positive outlook . . . my ability to see the good, the positive, and the potential in everything around me. And the tenacity to pick myself up, reinvent myself if I have to, and move on.

So . . . with my rose coloured glasses firmly in place, I will move forward with grit and grace in this next chapter, grounded, yet open to new possibilities, and ever grateful for all that I am and all that I have.

The most significant progress that I have made on my list of 55 things I want to accomplish in 55 months is the loss of just over 20 lbs to date. Other progress that I have made – I have visited my daughter twice, spent some time walking the beach, visited two towns in Saskatchewan that I have never been to/through, and watched the sun come up on the Barrier River on a foggy morning on my way to Melfort . . . it was so breathtakingly beautiful that I just had to turn my Jeep around for another look . . .